remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
