Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My vagina is officially offended.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
