I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
