Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
