just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
