YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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