wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
