Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
