if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
