??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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