Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I checked into jail on foursquare
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
