just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
