oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
