i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
