I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
