Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
