I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
NoShamevember. You game?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
