she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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