mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
as a side note pls kill me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
