Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
