In the future we'll all be gay
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
