I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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