a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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