Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just had sex on a roof
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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