pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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