he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
