Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
