We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
