She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
