If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
