New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
