Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
