Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
