school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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