so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
