She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
