I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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