i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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