are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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