My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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