Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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