evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
