I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
