Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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