WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
