I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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