I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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