piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
