okay pat passed out under dana's car
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
