I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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