maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
