how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
